A Visual Scenario by Scrunch
(copyright 2008)
Enter Hapwood G. Cleveland, an urban youth being charged with breaking and entering and the possession of tools for the purposes of burglary, and miscellaneous other charges...
Hapwood Cleveland, (aka Happy, aka Sleazy, and occasionally known as Doc, (due to the fact that he once sutured his own arm after inadvertently putting it through the broken glass window of a pawnshop.))
(In the dark.)
( At 3 A.M.)
Hap looks confused and paying little attention to his surrounding, with the exception of noticing Juror #3, a stunning brunette with the captivating name of Miranda...(whose beauty is only slightly marred by her last name of Goshawk.) He mutters...'oooh, ham sandwich....and I'm HUNGRY....'
As he and his attorney approach the table, Hap begins to look around more.
Hap: "Rather austere decor, isn't it?"
The defense eyes Hap as though he's an alien species, which really in regards the courtroom participants...he is.
They seat themselves at the table just as the bailiff announces..."Court is in session, The Honorable Judge Susan D. Allen presiding...ALL RISE."
Everyone immediately rises, with the exception of Hap, who is back to watching Miranda.
The defense taps him on the shoulder.
Hap: "Whassup?"
Defense: "Obviously not you...you have to RISE."
Hap immediately jumps up, throws out his arms and shouts "HALLELUJAH!!" After dead silence he says..."Sorry...Baptist childhood.."
Judge Allen enters, and is, although not on Miranda's scale, a very attractive woman, and as she approaches, her robe parts briefly to reveal a goodly amount of leg, to one of which is attached a small-caliber pistol; a wise judge who knows how to accessorize.
There follows the incredibly dull and superfluous opening remarks, so let's just summarize them, shall we?
Defense: 'blah, blah...blah,blah..'
Prosecutor: 'bullshit...bullshit...bullshit...
Defense: ' blah, blah...bullSHIT!...'
Prosecutor: 'Objection...'
Judge: "bullshit overruled..
Defense; "blah, blah....blah,blah, blah..'
And that about sums it up.
Defense (on calling Hapwood to the stand): 'Mr. Cleveland, you were apprehended by the police upon exiting the window of 221 Baker Street (apartment b)...is that correct?'
Hap: 'Yeah'...
Judge: "We prefer yes and no in this courtroom, Mr Cleveland. Okay?"
Hap: 'Yeah, sure...uh...yes.'
Defense: "and your purpose in being there was to enlist the aid of a friend in starting your vehicle...?"
Hap; 'yeah, YES, Mike.. but he wasn't there and the door was open and I went in and the door closed...so I was leavin' by the window when the cops came...'
Defense: " and at that time, were you informed of your rights by the police?"
Hap: 'They didn't say nothin' but "shut the fuck up, happy."'
Defense: "Huh....shut the fuck up, Happy?"
Hap: 'Aww, man..you doin' it too?'
Miranda titters.
(Author:
'Miranda titters?? sounds like an English prostitute. Rewind.....
aaannnnddd....play..)
Miranda giggles.
Later:
Prosecutor: "Mr. Cleveland, you were in possession of a crowbar and set of tools (glances at papers) that resembled lockpicks. To start a car, Mr. Cleveland?"
Hap: 'Hey, it's a Chevy...you never know.....'
Juror #5 (Ford F150) is nodding his head.
Prosecutor: "and according to your statement, you were there to find your friend Bob, or is it Mike?"
Hap: 'Well, sometimes they call him Bob, you know, 'cos he's bobbing around all the time.'
Miranda giggles.
The defense giggles.
The
JUDGE giggles.
The prosecutor doesn't giggle.
The verdict, needless to say, is a foregone conclusion.
Hap took it well.
Hap (upon being escorted from the court): 'Ya'll oughta get yourself some clowns and a elephant, 'cos you running a damn circus...I knew when I come in you was gonna...'
Judge: "Mr. Cleveland?"
Hap: 'WHAT??'
Everybody in the courtroom: "Shut the fuck up, Happy!"
and across town, Mike (aka Bob) is seen weaving back and forth and kicking the side of his car.
Mike: "piece-of-shit....you piece-of-shit....and Happy's got my fuckin' tools."
Fade to Black....
